Power of prayer: Niagara’s waters

• Power of prayer

• How to pray?

My son Robert, on the precipice of power on the Canadian Falls.

Emerald water look like thick glass, inviting tourists to dip a toe — or even take a swim. The alluring beauty of Niagara Falls belies its power — 6 million cubic feet flows in an irresistible current every minute over the crest. One-hundred-and-sixty-five feet below, as it pounds into the whirling pool, it raises a relentless thunder and mists that bathes people for 100 yards away.


Water leaping from the heights pounds the poor below, raising mists over 200 feet into the air, drenching tourists. Note the boat at the bottom that fits 200 passengers.

Behind the beauty lies true power.

Many look at prayer as a beautiful thing. They fail to perceive its weight of crushing power. Nations have been overturned. Darkness has ceded to radiant light. The onward rush of worldliness has been diverted, the press of sin blunted. Why? Because of prayer.

 

Oh look! How beautiful! She prays!

To the contrary, look, how powerful: she prays.

In a material world where we are taught to measure scientifically with our five senses, we can forget entirely the unmeasurable life-changing power of prayer. Just because a prayer experiment would be impossible (with one group that receives prayer and the other that does not), we tend to dismiss it.

Where science leaves off, faith picks up and continue to describe the reality of our multi-faceted existence. Pray today! Effect change. Don’t miss the power behind the beauty of prayer.
**********************************
Article borrowed from Mustard Seed Budget at  http://mustardseedbudget.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/power-of-prayer-niagaras-waters/

eBay Listing For Worship Flags

Visit eBay and see the available flags being sold.  You can bid for an item or buy now.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121146091680?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121147250571?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121146092231?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121147246073?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121147253603?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Worship Flags eBay Listing

Double Layer Flag

For your desired color worship flags click on the eBay links below to view my listing and place a bid or buy now.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121144265541?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

http://www.ebay.com/itm/121144267681?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649

Flags are made at the time of purchase and are shipped within 3 days of purchase.

From Dr. Spock to Tiger Mom: What to expect from your parenting library

"What if I choose the wrong child guru and ruin my offspring?" new mom Katie Walmsley wrote in the late days of her pregnancy.

Editor's note: Katie Walmsley is a CNN producer and reporter.

(CNN) -- "Congratulations!" people said when I told them I was pregnant with my first child.

Also, usually, "What's your due date? Do you know what it is?"

And then, frequently -- and much to my surprise -- "What book are you reading?"

It turns out you can't just up and have a baby. Many parents are now also subscribing to a particular parenting philosophy, often well in advance their little one's emergence into the world. For a soon-to-be new mom, it was overwhelming. What was the right book? Should I stick with the philosophies that make obvious sense to me, or consider some that seem like more dramatic departures? Did I even need a book at all?

Heidi Murkoff, author of famed pregnancy guide "What to Expect When You're Expecting," argued recently that this quest for guidance in books and online is at an all-time high. In a Daily Mail op-ed headlined "Why I fear for modern mothers," she wrote that it stems from pressure on parents to be the best.

"Society's race for the perfect parenting prize has become all-consuming," she wrote. "Whatever the group, everyone is locked in conflict and judging each other."

Studying books on parenting is really no new phenomenon. Ever since Dr. Benjamin Spock published "The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care" in 1946, parents have been reading up on the best way to raise their little ones.

Spock's book was a parenting bible for many years, but also entertained its share of critics, from those who accused him of being anti-feminist, to those who claimed he fostered generations of spoiled brats, to those who blame him for an increase in violent crime. (Kids who grew up thinking it's OK to eschew broccoli probably also think it's OK to steal someone's car ... right?)

But where once there was just Spock to follow (or not, as the case may be), there are now hundreds of parenting books to choose from, most of which seem to ride the same popularity roller coaster as Spock. A book might be celebrated one minute, but a few months down the line, a parent is a pariah for even having it on the shelf.

Parents run the risk of reading a book, only to find it widely discredited mere weeks later. It seemed I had to accept that while books differ on how to parent, they all seem to suggest there's a right way to parent -- and they, the authors, know the secret.

Several friends lent me "The Contented Little Baby Book" by Gina Ford, swearing by the schedule Ford delineates for parents. It includes, in some situations, letting your little one cry for a few minutes. But the idea of "crying it out" now has some detractors wringing their hands as it has become a subject of conflicting research findings.

Another book, Pamela Druckerman's "Bringing up Bebe," touts the French system to raising an independent-minded child who allows you to sleep, have dinner or maybe even a conversation. No-brainer, right? But the author also generated indignation, with one Forbes writer even accusing her of pushing a socialist agenda and ruining all our hopes for future generations of tyke-oons.

Whether it's Amy Chua's push-your-kid method in "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Dr. Bill Sears' let-your-kid-sleep-with-you plan, Ellen Galinsky's connection-before-correction or Tom Hodgkinson's advice to just chill and have a martini, the messages are different -- but strangely the same: You can screw your kids up, or you can make them great. It's all up to you, and whether you follow these wildly divergent instructions.

Argh-gulp panic-middle-of-the-night-cold-sweat-anxiety. What if I choose the wrong child guru and ruin my offspring? Can you mix and match philosophies? What if by mixing and matching you just create some kind of a babymonster? What if I (gasp) don't read anything at all?

"In terms of controversies and the bombardment of information, [the prevalence of so many conflicting parenting books] is making things too complicated and very un-relaxing for parents", says Dr. Richard Weissbourd, who teaches at Harvard University's Graduate School of Education and author of "The Parents We Mean To Be."

In his book, Weissbourd looks at the pathologies parents themselves bring to the table, rather than just examining ways to parent.

The book also examines the idea of "over-parenting." He believes many parents are too affected by "the Joneses." Not only are they feeling competitive in terms of what they've read, but they worry that by not not taking the same approaches as other parents, they're cheating their child out of opportunities.

Trying to the absolute best parent can actually be damaging to children, the books suggests, and possibly pointless: There are no blanket ways to parent and there is often no right or wrong approach, Weissbourd argues.

"Books often tend to be too generic and get into all these debates," he said. " It's more like, 'Who is my child and how can I be most constructive given what's going on with them?'"

Will Ferrell, in a "Nerdist" podcast, talks about how as a child he refused to take part in a gifted academic program at school, because it would interfere with his square-dancing classes. Ferrell's mom did not dissuade him, as some parents might have, and of course now he's, well, Will Ferrell.

I wondered how Ferrell would have turned out if Amy Chua was his mom? Or what a Sophia Chua-Rubenfeld raised in the Ferrell household would look like? Possibly not at Harvard, like Chua, or on on "Saturday Night Live," like Ferrell.

"There are certain things that are fundamental and if you do them reasonably well, the chances are your kid will be fine," Weissbourd says. "Spending time, being warm, listening, creating reasonable expectations, caring for people, caring for yourself. Safeguarding your child's health and knowing basic health information."

It sounds a lot like ... Dr. Spock.

Spock tells parents in the first chapter: ''Don't be afraid to trust your own common sense. What good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is usually best."

So, I don't need a book? No need to read chapter two? Just do whatever I think is best?

Perhaps.

Weissbourd points out that this hyper-concern with reading parenting guides is largely divided among cultural and economic lines, and tends to be more of a middle- and upper-class issue. It's not that parents don't need guidance, he said, it's about where that guidance comes from.

He believes parenting in the United States has become too private. Parents will gladly read books, but balk at feedback from people they know. We've all heard the line: "Don't tell me how to raise my child!"

The takeaway, according to Weissbourd, is not to ignore parenting books altogether, which can sometimes offer practical tips, but that the best advice comes from those around you who know you and your little one. Not only is your child unique, but parents might be bringing their own issues to the table, and those might need to be assessed on a case-by-case basis.

Consult a trusted pediatrician, consult people whose opinions you respect, consult your partner, Weissbourd advises. Find time to pause and reflect -- he advises, adding, "I think everybody has got to relax."

For me and my new life with a newborn, the most appealing books turned out to be those where I could find an answer quickly. In Marc Weissbluth's "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child," I skipped the chapters that explained why sleep matters -- that seems startlingly obvious -- and went straight to the week-by-week instructions. The standard "Your Baby's First Year" by the American Academy of Pediatrics and Murkoff's "What to Expect..." books have been very helpful. I relied quite heavily on the Internet to give a variety of answers, making sure to check any advice with my pediatrician.

With a baby, I think it's less about personality, more about practical help. I think the real market for parenting books is parents with older children. Parents of babies reading about what kind of parent to be are probably, like me, likely to gravitate toward books that espouse theories they probably already believe. I read "Bringing up Bebe," because it resonated with ideas I already have about parenting, like teaching kids to enjoy "grown-up" foods from an early age (I might eat my words if my little one refuses everything but chicken fingers.) I like the idea of having a well-behaved child, as I imagine do most people.

This is all very well and good in theory, but I think it's important to read a book that's realistic to the specific situation. Even though I liked "Bringing up Bebe," it just might not be appropriate if my child is exceptionally shy. If a child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, for example, then reaching for Chua's "Battle Hymn" may not be the best shot.

When faced with parenting hurdles further down the line, there won't be one easy answer, one book with all the fixes. I like to think I'll take the same approach I do as a journalist -- read several source, know what advice and opinions are out there, whether books, articles or conversations with other parents and my doctor.

Most important, I think, as Dr. Spock advised years ago, I'll go with my gut.

*********************************************

Copied from CNN at http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/11/living/parents-baby-book-choices/index.html?hpt=li_c1

Above the law: America's worst charities

 
Editor's note: CNN has partnered with the Tampa Bay Times and the Center for Investigative Reporting to showcase the results of their year-long investigation to identify America's worst charities.
(CNN) -- The worst charity in America operates from a metal warehouse behind a gas station in Holiday, Florida.

Every year, Kids Wish Network raises millions of dollars in donations in the name of dying children and their families.

Every year, it spends less than 3 cents on the dollar helping kids.

Most of the rest gets diverted to enrich the charity's operators and the for-profit companies Kids Wish hires to drum up donations.

In the past decade alone, Kids Wish has channeled nearly $110 million donated for sick children to its corporate solicitors. An additional $4.8 million has gone to pay the charity's founder and his own consulting firms.

No charity in the nation has siphoned more money away from the needy over a longer period of time.

But Kids Wish is not an isolated case, a yearlong investigation by the Tampa Bay Times and The Center for Investigative Reporting has found.

Using state and federal records, the Times and CIR identified nearly 6,000 charities that have chosen to pay for-profit companies to raise their donations.

Then reporters took an unprecedented look back to zero in on the 50 worst - based on the money they diverted to boiler room operators and other solicitors over a decade.

America's 50 worst charities

These nonprofits adopt popular causes or mimic well-known charity names that fool donors. Then they rake in cash, year after year.

The nation's 50 worst charities have paid their solicitors nearly $1 billion over the past 10 years that could have gone to charitable works.

AC360: CNN's Drew Griffin investigates

Until today, no one had tallied the cost of this parasitic segment of the nonprofit industry or traced the long history of its worst offenders.

Among the findings:

-- The 50 worst charities in America devote less than 4% of donations raised to direct cash aid. Some charities gave even less. Over a decade, one diabetes charity raised nearly $14 million and gave about $10,000 to patients. Six spent no cash at all on their cause.

-- Even as they plead for financial support, operators at many of the 50 worst charities have lied to donors about where their money goes, taken multiple salaries, secretly paid themselves consulting fees or arranged fund-raising contracts with friends. One cancer charity paid a company owned by the president's son nearly $18 million over eight years to solicit funds. A medical charity paid its biggest research grant to its president's own for-profit company.

-- Some nonprofits are little more than fronts for fund-raising companies, which bankroll their startup costs, lock them into exclusive contracts at exorbitant rates and even drive the charities into debt. Florida-based Project Cure has raised more than $65 million since 1998, but every year has wound up owing its fundraiser more than what was raised. According to its latest financial filing, the nonprofit is $3 million in debt.

-- To disguise the meager amount of money that reaches those in need, charities use accounting tricks and inflate the value of donated dollar-store cast-offs - snack cakes and air fresheners - that they give to dying cancer patients and homeless veterans.

Over the past six months, the Times and CIR called or mailed certified letters to the leaders of Kids Wish Network and the 49 other charities that have paid the most to solicitors.

Most declined to answer questions about their programs or would speak only through an attorney.

Approached in person, one charity manager threatened to call the police; another refused to open the door. A third charity's president took off in his truck at the sight of a reporter with a camera.

Kids Wish has hired Melissa Schwartz, a crisis management specialist in New York City who previously worked for the federal government after the 2010 BP oil spill.

Schwartz said Kids Wish hires solicitors so its staff can focus on working with children, not on raising donations. According to its 2011 IRS filing, the charity has 51 employees. Schwartz also said donors who give directly to the charity instead of in response to solicitations ensure that 100% of their pledge will be spent granting wishes.

She declined to answer additional questions about Kids Wish's fund-raising operations, saying the charity "is focused on the future."

Charity operators who would talk defended their work, saying raising money is expensive especially in tough economic times.

"No parent has ever turned me down for assistance because we got our money from a telemarketer," said David Thelen, who runs the Committee for Missing Children in Lawrenceville, Georgia. The charity is No. 13 on the Times/CIR list.

Identifying the 50 worst

To identify America's 50 worst charities, the Times and CIR pieced together tens of thousands of pages of public records collected by the federal government and 36 states. Reporters started in California, Florida and New York, where regulators require charities to report results of individual fund-raising campaigns.

The Times and CIR used those records to flag a specific kind of charity: those that pay for-profit corporations to raise the vast majority of their donations year in and year out.

Search for charities that have been disciplined

The effort identified hundreds of charities that run donation drives across the country and regularly give their solicitors at least two-thirds of the take. Experts say good charities should spend about half that much - no more than 35 cents to raise a dollar.

For the worst charities, writing big checks to telemarketers isn't an anomaly. It's a way of life.

The Times and CIR charted each charity's performance over the past decade and ranked them based on the total donations diverted to fundraisers, arriving at the 50 worst charities. By this measure, Kids Wish tops the list.

Tracking donations diverted to fund-raising is just one way to rate a charity's performance. But experts called the rating fair and said it would provide a unique resource to help donors avoid bad charities.

Doug White, one of the nation's foremost experts on the ethics of charity fund-raising, dismisses the argument made by charities that without telemarketers they would have no money.

"When you weigh that in terms of values, of what the charity is supposed to be doing and what the donor is being told in the process, the house comes tumbling down," said White, who teaches in Columbia University's fund-raising management master's degree program.

Share your tips on suspicious charities

Collectively the 50 worst charities raised more than $1.3 billion over the past decade and paid nearly $1 billion of that directly to the companies that raise their donations.

If that money had gone to charity, it would have been enough to build 20,000 Habitat for Humanity homes, buy 7 million wheelchairs or pay for mammograms for nearly 10 million uninsured women.



Instead it funded charities like Youth Development Fund.

The Tennessee charity, which came in at No. 12, has been around for 30 years. Over the past decade it has raised nearly $30 million from donors by promising to educate children about drug abuse, health and fitness.

About 80% of what's donated each year goes directly to solicitation companies.

Most of what's left pays for one thing: scuba-diving videos starring the charity's founder and president, Rick Bowen.

Bowen's charity pays his own for-profit production company about $200,000 a year to make the videos. Then the charity pays to air Rick Bowen Deep-Sea Diving on a local Knoxville station. The program makes no mention of Youth Development Fund.

In its IRS tax filings, the charity reports that its programming reaches "an estimated audience of 1.3 million."

But, according to the station manager, the show attracts about 3,600 viewers a week.

Bowen, who runs the charity out of his Knoxville condo, declined to be interviewed. He defended the practice of hiring his own company with the public's donations.

"We just happened to be the low bidder," he said.

Good vs. bad charities

America's worst charities look nothing like Habitat for Humanity, Boys and Girls Clubs or thousands of other charities, large and small, that are dedicated to helping the sick and needy.

Well-run charities rely on their own staff to raise money from a variety of sources. They spend most of their donations on easy-to-verify activities, whether it's running soup kitchens, supporting cancer research, raising awareness about drunken driving or building homes for veterans.

The Times/CIR list of worst charities, meanwhile, is littered with organizations that exhibit red flags for fraud, waste and mismanagement.

Thirty-nine have been disciplined by state regulators, some as many as seven times.

Eight of the charities have been banned in at least one state.

One was shut down by regulators but reopened under a new name.

A third of the charities' founders and executives have put relatives on the payroll or the board of directors.

How states failed to regulate charity scams

For eight years, American Breast Cancer Foundation paid Joseph Wolf's telemarketing company to generate donations.

His mother, Phyllis Wolf, had founded the Baltimore-based charity and was its president until she was forced to resign in 2010.

While she ran the charity, her son's company, Non Profit Promotions, collected $18 million in telemarketing fees.

Phyllis Wolf left the charity after the payments to her son attracted media attention in 2010. The charity has since stopped using telemarketers, including Joseph Wolf's.

Phyllis and Joseph Wolf did not respond to several calls seeking comment.

How to help: CNN's Impact Your World

The nation's worst charities are large and small. Some are one-person outfits operating from run-down apartments. Others claim hundreds of employees and a half-dozen locations around the country. One lists a UPS mail box as its headquarters address.

Several play off the names of well-known organizations, confusing donors.

Among those on the Times/CIR list are Kids Wish Network, Children's Wish Foundation International and Wishing Well Foundation. All of the names sound like the original, Make-A-Wish, which does not hire professional telemarketers.

Make-A-Wish officials say they've spent years fielding complaints from people who were solicited by sound-a-like charities.

"While some of the donations go elsewhere, all the bad public relations that comes with telemarketing seems to come to us," said Make-A-Wish spokesman Paul Allvin.

Donors who answer calls from the 50 worst charities hear professionally honed messages, designed to leverage popular causes and hide one crucial fact: Almost nothing goes to charity.

When telemarketers for Kids Wish call potential donors, they open with a name you think you've heard before.

Then they ask potential donors to "imagine the heartbreak of losing a child to a terminal illness," according to scripts filed with North Carolina regulators in 2010.

Kids Wish, the callers say, wants to fulfill their wishes "while they are still healthy enough to enjoy them."

They leave out the fact that most of the charity's good deeds involve handing out gift cards to hospitalized children and donated coloring books and board games to healthy kids around the country. And they don't mention the millions of dollars spent on salaries and fund-raising every year.

The biggest difference between good charities and the nation's worst is the bottom line.

Every charity has salary, overhead and fund-raising costs.

But several watchdog organizations say charities should spend no more than 35% of the money they raise on fund-raising expenses.

The Make-A-Wish Foundation of Central and North Florida is one of dozens of Make-A-Wish chapters across the country.

Last year, it reported raising $3.1 million cash and spent about 60% of that -- $1.8 million -- granting wishes.

The same year, Kids Wish raised $18.6 million, its tax filing shows. It spent just $240,000 granting wishes -- 1% of the cash raised.

Read a full version of this report

Center for Investigative Reporting: A failure of regulation

Family of connections bind several of America's worst charities

*************************************

Story taken from cnn.com

Flag Ministry - Banner Worship - Praise Flags

Flags & Banners

Used in accordance to the Word, flags become the primary sign for lifting up a “standard” of God. The Bible refers to the word flag as “standard” or “banner.” The Hebrew word degel is translated as, a flag or banner or standard. Degel comes from the Hebrew root word dagal, meaning to flaunt, i.e. raise a flag; to be conspicuous, setting up with banners. Standard is defined as a banner used as an emblem, marker or rallying point; an ensign; military or personal flag. In the Old Testament, God commands Moses to instruct the children of Israel to camp by their own “standard” to signify their tribe. (Num. 2:2) There were 12 different flags or banners for the 12 tribes (Numbers 1:52, 2:2-3, 10, 18, 25; 10:14, 18, 22, 25).

Banner is defined as a flag or cloth standard. It is used figuratively to define one of God’s names, Jehovah Nissi, the Lord is my banner! Exodus 17:15 God’s salvation and truth is declared by the raising of the banners (Psalm 20:5, Psalm 60:4). He is a banner of love and protection described in Song. 2:4 and reigns with great power, Song. 6:4, 10. He is standard and He is calling us to lift up a standard, declare and proclaim it to the entire world. (Isa. 5:26, 11:12, 13:2; Jer. 50:2).

Why Are Flags Used In Worship?
Excerpt from “Bringing Back The Glory” by Joe Brown

To Bestow Honor – To declare a name and an aspect of God’s character. As we wave it, we minister in love to our King and proclaim the magnificence of Who He is.

To Communicate – As a particular flag is raised, the prayer behind it is somewhat like a phone call. We are speaking to our Lord in the aspect of His character depicted in the flag, asking Him to reveal Himself and related matters of His heart to us. For example, if a flag exalts Him as Jehovah Roi (The Lord Our Shepherd), we are asking to speak to Him as the One Who leads, protects, and comforts us. Perhaps our hearts are crying out to Him to bring us to that place of restoration, or to show us specific direction for a situation. We ask, and then await His response.

To Signal God’s Presence – Lifting flags in worship follows the action of Moses as he lifted his rod(a shepherd’s staff, a spiritual type or symbol of a flag) as a visible sign of God’s presence, power and authority over the armies of Israel. Jeremiah 51:12 Lift up a signal (flag) against the walls of Babylon; post a strong guard, station sentries, place men in ambush! For the Lord has both purposed and performed what He spoke concerning the inhabitants of Babylon.

To Declare Our Allegiance – As we wave our flags in worship, we admit our loyalty as members of our Lord’s army in the presence of men on earth and before powers and principalities in the heavens.

To Rally The Troops – We know our battles are not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, powers and spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6). Raising a flag stirs unity and loyalty in the King’s army, gathers soldiers together for strategy and strengthens commitment to victory. Isaiah 11:12 – “And He will lift up a standard (flag) for the nations, and will assemble the banished ones of Israel, and will gather the dispersed of Judah from the four corners of the earth.”

To Direct Warfare & Praise – Early records show that in ancient Egyptians battles, soldiers looked to flags (ribbons or fabric tied to poles) to determine the direction of the wind, then shot their arrows accordingly to reach their target. In terms of spiritual warfare, a particular flag might be flown to say in the physical realm what is happening in the spiritual: it relates the direction of the “wind” of the Holy Spirit on a particular day.

To Put The Enemy To Flight – Isaiah 59:19 tells us, “… When the enemy comes in, like a flood the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him.” Flags are God-given, God anointed, Word-based standard that display His truth. Truth and light cause the enemy to flee. “Nuwc” is a Hebrew word for “standard” which means “to cause to flee away, to lift up standard.”

To Boast of Victory – Another Hebrew word for banner is “dagal” and the definition of it is “to flaunt, be conspicuous, set up with banners.” Psalm 20:7 says “we will boast in the name of the Lord…”

To Be A Touchpoint of Faith – God directed Moses to put a bronze serpent on a pole as a focal point and promised that whoever would have faith enough to look on it would be healed of the deadly serpents’ bites. As we look to the Cross in faith, we find healing in the blood of Jesus. Flags are not idols and do not contain healing, nor any other manifested gift of God, but serve the Body of Christ as a visual reminders of His faithfulness as Jehovah Rophe. The Our Healer, or Jehovah Shalom, The Lord Our Peace, or any of the wonderful qualities of El Shaddai, the All Sufficient God, God Almighty.

To Herald An Event – Flags declare a specific event or season. Through the use of flags in worship, as such a time as this, the Bride of Christ is announcing in the spirit of Elijah and John the Baptist, “The King is coming! Prepare the way for Jesus! The King is in the land!

*******************************************

Article taken from http://epworship.com/flagministry

Mail to Ryan…Our Beautiful Boy - Just Because He Breathes - Learning to Truly Love our Gay Son…

My husband, Rob, wrote this letter to Ryan as part of our expanded “Just Because He Breathes” presentation for Exodus International. The video below was shown in our presentation, after Rob read this:

Dear Ryan,

I miss you so much. I don’t really know how heaven works because you might already know everything I’m about to say but just in case you don’t there’s some things I want you to know. I love you so much and it hurts so bad that you were not here last weekend to celebrate Riley’s wedding with us. We all missed you so much. Riley and Abby left an empty place for you, and Lindsey was the only bridesmaid who walked unescorted down the aisle, because you should have been with her. Even though the day would have been difficult for you in some aspects, you would have been so proud of your brother. And I know that you would just ADORE Abby. Your handsome face and easy laugh would have made the day complete for me.

That said, I am not angry that you relapsed on that day In late June 2009. I know you did not intend to let things get out of hand like they did. In fact I would not be bitter or angry even if you had taken your life. I have nothing but compassion and respect for how well and how long you battled your difficulties. Only now by reading your journals, do I more fully realize how much pain and difficulty you were facing. Whenever I feel like I need a good cry, all I have to do is to pull them out and it puts me in touch with the deep pain you were in…and how, as your earthly father, I let you down in many ways.

I am so very, very sorry for the things that I did to contribute to your despair. I so desperately wish that I had known back then what I do know now. I thought I was so right when you first came out to us. Little did I know how much I had to learn. Please forgive me for letting fear control my decisions and the way I responded to you, instead of faith. I should have trusted God, who loves you so much more – and better – than I do, and who never stopped chasing after you.

I so regret how slow I was to truly understand and love you without any conditions.

But you always had such grace for me. You were so patient with us while we learned what really mattered.

Thank you for trusting us with your deepest thoughts and fears and sharing so much of your experience as a gay teen, and a gay young adult, attempting to reconcile his faith with his sexuality. Thank you for all your letters and emails; the ones that made us laugh and the ones that made us cry. Your handwritten letters are priceless to me.

I so wish that I could introduce you to some of my dearest friends now, men and women who love Jesus with their whole hearts. They have helped me to understand that gay is not a deal breaker for God…that gay and Christian can co-exist, and that God isn’t wringing His hands over this issue. He is way bigger than this. I know that God did not reject or abandon you, or anyone else.

I wish I could take you to dinner tonight and tell you all the ways that your life…and even your death…blesses ours every day. We have learned so very much from you. God, through you, has opened up a whole new world for mom and I.

I wish we could make that snowboarding trip to Mount Baker that we had planned.

I wish you could see how we’re still using the zip line you designed. I will never forget the joy on your face as you concocted yet another way to creatively fly across our back yard.

I wish I could take you backpacking again, and that we could talk and talk and talk as we hiked.

I wish you were here to have backyard bonfires, and to come up with ever increasingly crazy ways to alarm our neighbors.

I wish you could call and tell me all about it when you met a guy you were interested in…and that I could meet him, too.

I wish that we could have a barbeque on your roof, with the view of the Space Needle that we loved so much.

I wish we could ride down the driveway together…one of us on my rip stick and one on my long board…and that we could teach each other new tricks as we laughed and crashed.

I wish you were here to help me hunt the raccoons that threaten to eat our Janie cat…I will NEVER forget the time you pegged that one 30 ft up in the tree in our front yard, and then 20 seconds later, got the second one on your first try.

I wish you could cook your specialty eggs in our kitchen, adding that fire sauce, while you sang funny songs and worship songs and whatever else came to mind. I miss your voice.

I wish you were here in the audience, sitting with Larissa and Cam and Lindsey and Grandma Pat and Uncle Ronny and Uncle Don and all our new friends from Biola Queers, who I know you would love so much.

I wish I could hold you again.

I love you, Ryan.

I miss you. Oh, how I miss you.

I am so very, very proud of you.

I am sorry for EVER wanting you to be anyone other than who God made you to be. I am so very sorry for all the things I said that caused you to feel that I would love you more if you were straight.

I know now that you were EXACTLY who God intended…and that you were BEAUTIFUL.

You were, and will always be, my beautiful, beautiful boy…

We showed this video to accompany the letter during our presentation:

 

http://vimeo.com/thecollaborate/ryan 

********************************************

Copied from  http://justbecausehebreathes.com/2013/06/23/mail-to-ryan/

Just Because He Breathes: Learning to Truly Love Our Gay Son

On the night of Nov. 20, 2001, a conversation held over Instant Messenger changed our lives forever. Our 12-year-old son messaged me in my office from the computer in his bedroom.

Ryan says: can i tell u something

Mom says: Yes I am listening

Ryan says: well i don't know how to say this really but, well......, i can't keep lying to you about myself. I have been hiding this for too long and i sorta have to tell u now. By now u probably have an idea of what i am about to say.
Ryan says: I am gay
Ryan says: i can't believe i just told you

Mom says: Are you joking?

Ryan says: no
Ryan says: i thought you would understand because of uncle don

Mom says: of course I would
Mom says: but what makes you think you are?

Ryan says: i know i am
Ryan says: i don't like hannah
Ryan says: it's just a cover-up

Mom says: but that doesn't make you gay...

Ryan says: i know
Ryan says: but u don't understand
Ryan says: i am gay

Mom says: tell me more

Ryan says: it's just the way i am and it's something i know
Ryan says: u r not a lesbian and u know that. it is the same thing

Mom says: what do you mean?

Ryan says: i am just gay
Ryan says: i am that

Mom says: I love you no matter what

Ryan says: i am white not black
Ryan says: i know
Ryan says: i am a boy not a girl
Ryan says: i am attracted to boys not girls
Ryan says: u know that about yourself and i know this

Mom says: what about what God thinks about acting on these desires?

Ryan says: i know

Mom says: thank you for telling me

Ryan says: and i am very confused about that right now

Mom says: I love you more for being honest

Ryan says: i know
Ryan says: thanx

We were completely shocked. Not that we didn't know and love gay people; my only brother had come out to us several years before, and we adored him. But Ryan? He was unafraid of anything, tough as nails and all boy. We had not seen this coming, and the emotion that overwhelmed us, kept us awake at night and, sadly, influenced all our reactions over the next six years was fear.

We said all the things that we thought loving Christian parents who believed the Bible, the Word of God, should say:

We love you. We will always love you. And this is hard. Really hard. But we know what God says about this, so you are going to have to make some really difficult choices.

We love you. We couldn't love you more. But there are other men who have faced this same struggle, and God has worked in them to change their desires. We'll get you their books; you can listen to their testimonies. And we will trust God with this.

We love you. We are so glad you are our son. But you are young, and your sexual orientation is still developing. The feelings you've had for other guys don't make you gay. So please don't tell anyone that you are gay. You don't know who you are yet. Your identity is not that you are gay; it is that you are a child of God.

We love you. Nothing will change that. But if you are going to follow Jesus, holiness is your only option. You are going to have to choose to follow Jesus, no matter what. And since you know what the Bible says, and since you want to follow God, embracing your sexuality is not an option.

We thought we understood the magnitude of the sacrifice that we -- and God -- were asking for. And this sacrifice, we knew, would lead to an abundant life, perfect peace and eternal rewards. Ryan had always felt intensely drawn to spiritual things; He desired to please God above all else. So, for the first six years, he tried to choose Jesus. Like so many others before him, he pleaded with God to help him be attracted to girls. He memorized Scripture, met with his youth pastor weekly, enthusiastically participated in all the church youth group events and Bible Studies and got baptized. He read all the books that claimed to know where his gay feelings came from, dove into counseling to further discover the whys of his unwanted attraction to other guys, worked through painful conflict resolution with my husband and me and built strong friendships with other guys -- straight guys -- just like the reparative therapy experts advised. He even came out to his entire youth group, giving his testimony of how God had rescued him from the traps of the enemy, and sharing, by memory, verse after verse that God had used to draw Ryan to Him.

But nothing changed. God didn't answer his prayer, or ours, though we were all believing with faith that the God of the Universe, the God for whom nothing is impossible, could easily make Ryan straight. But He did not.

Though our hearts may have been good (we truly thought what we were doing was loving), we did not even give Ryan a chance to wrestle with God, to figure out what he believed God was telling him through scripture about his sexuality. We had believed firmly in giving each of our four children the space to question Christianity, to decide for themselves if they wanted to follow Jesus, to truly own their own faith. But we were too afraid to give Ryan that room when it came to his sexuality, for fear that he'd make the wrong choice.

Basically, we told our son that he had to choose between Jesus and his sexuality. We forced him to make a choice between God and being a sexual person. Choosing God, practically, meant living a lifetime condemned to being alone. He would never have the chance to fall in love, have his first kiss, hold hands, share intimacy and companionship or experience romance.

And so, just before his 18th birthday, Ryan, depressed, suicidal, disillusioned and convinced that he would never be able to be loved by God, made a new choice. He decided to throw out his Bible and his faith at the same time and try searching for what he desperately wanted -- peace -- another way. And the way he chose to try first was drugs.

We had unintentionally taught Ryan to hate his sexuality. And since sexuality cannot be separated from the self, we had taught Ryan to hate himself. So as he began to use drugs, he did so with a recklessness and a lack of caution for his own safety that was alarming to everyone who knew him.

Suddenly our fear of Ryan someday having a boyfriend (a possibility that honestly terrified me) seemed trivial in contrast to our fear of Ryan's death, especially in light of his recent rejection of Christianity and his mounting anger at God.

Ryan started with weed and beer, but in six short months was using cocaine, crack and heroin. He was hooked from the beginning, and his self-loathing and rage at God only fueled his addiction. Shortly thereafter, we lost contact with him. For the next year and a half, we didn't know where he was or even if he was dead or alive. And during that horrific time, God had our full attention. We stopped praying for Ryan to become straight. We started praying for him to know that God loved him. We stopped praying for him to never have a boyfriend. We started praying that someday we might actually get to know his boyfriend. We even stopped praying for him to come home to us; we only wanted him to come home to God.

By the time our son called us, after 18 long months of silence, God had completely changed our perspective. Because Ryan had done some pretty terrible things while using drugs, the first thing he asked me was this:

Do you think you can ever forgive me? (I told him of course, he was already forgiven. He had always been forgiven.)

Do you think you could ever love me again? (I told him that we had never stopped loving him, not for one second. We loved him then more than we had ever loved him.)

Do you think you could ever love me with a boyfriend? (Crying, I told him that we could love him with 15 boyfriends. We just wanted him back in our lives. We just wanted to have a relationship with him again... and with his boyfriend.)

And a new journey was begun, one of healing, restoration, open communication and grace. Lots of grace. And God was present every step of the way, leading and guiding us, gently reminding us simply to love our son and leave the rest up to Him.

Over the next 10 months, we learned to truly love our son. Period. No buts. No conditions. Just because he breathes. We learned to love whomever our son loved. And it was easy. What I had been so afraid of became a blessing. The journey wasn't without mistakes, but we had grace for each other, and the language of apology and forgiveness became a natural part of our relationship. As our son pursued recovery from drug and alcohol addiction, we pursued him. God taught us how to love him, to rejoice over him, to be proud of the man he was becoming. We were all healing, and most importantly, Ryan began to think that if we could forgive him and love him, then maybe God could, too.

And then Ryan made the classic mistake of a recovering addict: He got back together with his old friends, his using friends. And one evening that was supposed to simply be a night at the movies turned out to be the first time he had shot up in 10 months -- and the last time. Ryan died on July 16, 2009. And we lost the ability to love our gay son, because we no longer had a gay son. What we had wished for, prayed for, hoped for -- that we would not have a gay son -- came true. But not at all in the way we had envisioned.

Now, when I think back on the fear that governed all my reactions during those first six years after Ryan told us he was gay, I cringe as I realize how foolish I was. I was afraid of all the wrong things. And I grieve, not only for my oldest son, whom I will miss every day for the rest of my life, but for the mistakes I made. I grieve for what could have been, had we been walking by faith instead of by fear. Now, whenever Rob and I join our gay friends for an evening, I think about how much I would love to be visiting with Ryan and his partner over dinner. But instead, we visit Ryan's gravestone. We celebrate anniversaries: the would-have-been birthdays and the unforgettable day of his death. We wear orange, his color. We hoard memories: pictures, clothing he wore, handwritten notes, lists of things he loved, tokens of his passions, recollections of the funny songs he invented, his Curious George and baseball blankey, anything, really, that reminds us of our beautiful boy, for that is all we have left, and there will be no new memories. We rejoice in our adult children, and in our growing family as they marry, but we ache for the one of our "gang of four" who is missing. We mark life by the days B.C. (before coma) and A.D. (after death), because we are different people now; our life was irrevocably changed in a million ways by his death. We treasure friendships with others who "get it" because they, too, have lost a child.

We weep. We seek Heaven for grace and mercy and redemption as we try not to get better but to be better. And we pray that God can somehow use our story to help other parents learn to truly love their children. Just because they breathe.

*
**********************************
Story copied from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/linda-robertson/just-because-he-breathes-learning-to-truly-love-our-gay-son_b_3478971.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular